Closed Door
I'm trying to make things work for my children and for my family. I’ve given so much of myself, stayed up until a couple of hours before my classes started doing homework, I’ve tutored other people in my classes. Yet it comes down to this, I miss a couple classes while trying to adjust to my new schedule, and I’m given no real option but to drop out. I’m not sure if I’m going to be billed directly or if they are going to just add this to my already extended student loans.
I got naught for my work. I feel absolutley destroyed. How am I ever going to be able to take care of my children and give them a better life if I can’t obtain a decent education? The thought of being stuck in entry level jobs for the rest of my life takes my breath away and deepens chasm of self doubt within my soul. I feel lost, unsure, and vulnerable.
It’s hard not to go on complete self descrution mode. I almost lost it, I just sat my desk instead and cried my heart out silently. I am still biting back the tears as I type my anguish into this blog.
I just need to get through tonight, and maybe tomorrow night, or maybe this week, or the month… who knows. I’m still left to wonder, will I ever dream again?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
An Intro To The Trio
I figured I would start this blog for friends and family so they can know what the three of us are up to. Here it goes…
Matthew currently is doing well in the third-grade. He is quite the little mathematician, his teacher jokes with me that he will be a future engineer. I’m thinking about signing him up for baseball again this year, but I really don’t want to deal with the end of the season boredom that eventually drags him down. When we had him playing two years ago he had major MELTDOWNS every time he had to go to practice. His team ended up in the finals and they added an extra night of practice and you would have though the world had ended for him. So, I have to decide if it’s worth it.
Emalee is still working her way through the second-grade. She loves to paint and make art, but she is quite as excited about reading. She has been going to resources classes all year, and she has made a little progress. Truth be told, I’m concerned that she is still having a very hard time reading going into the third-grade. I feel like she is going her slow and steady pace but the rest of her classmates are just flying past her. She’s been tested for everything under the sun, including sleep studies for seizures, ADHD, dyslexia, etc… We are doing all we can for her, at this point we’ll just keep praying for her and working with her. Things might be different next year…
My mom and I have been looking into whether or not to move the kids to the school closer to our house. When Matthew started kindergarten we put the kids at a school that’s about 5 miles away because the school schedule was traditional instead of "year-round". The school that is by our house is going to be on a tradition school schedule starting the 2009-2010 year, so it seems natural we would move them. My concern is that Emalee is familiar with the resource teachers at her current school and moving her to a new school with new programs and new teachers might make things harder for her. So I haven’t yet figured out an answer to that question.
I recently went back to school and work after having major back surgery in November 2008. Because I had been away from work for so long, my last employer released me from employment. That left me with having to find a new job. I was lucky because in January I was hired to work for a company that process pharmacy claims nationally for Workers Compensation fund. I work the graveyard shift, which works well for my personality (I’m a night owl), and I am able to be home when the kids are home. I don’t have to leave for work until after my kids are tucked away in bed. They don’t really see me as having a job, they just see me as sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon. LOL
The kids and I have a place of our own, but we haven’t yet moved over there. All of our stuff is over there, including my bed. But being a single mom I don’t feel comfortable being there alone, so I’m having an alarm system put in shortly. As soon as the system is in place I’ll feel much better about being home with just the kids and myself. We do have a dog, Gracie, but she is useless for protection. She is an eating/sleeping/pooping machine. She doesn’t even know what the word bark or stranger means. LOL
It’s about 5 AM now, getting myself to bed would probably be a good thing. The one thing that I don’t like about my shift is that when I get home I need to wind down, and that takes a couple hours. By the time I get to bed and then get up, it seems most of the business day is gone. That makes scheduling and appointments awkward. The job is new, I’m sure I’ll adjust somehow.
Matthew currently is doing well in the third-grade. He is quite the little mathematician, his teacher jokes with me that he will be a future engineer. I’m thinking about signing him up for baseball again this year, but I really don’t want to deal with the end of the season boredom that eventually drags him down. When we had him playing two years ago he had major MELTDOWNS every time he had to go to practice. His team ended up in the finals and they added an extra night of practice and you would have though the world had ended for him. So, I have to decide if it’s worth it.
Emalee is still working her way through the second-grade. She loves to paint and make art, but she is quite as excited about reading. She has been going to resources classes all year, and she has made a little progress. Truth be told, I’m concerned that she is still having a very hard time reading going into the third-grade. I feel like she is going her slow and steady pace but the rest of her classmates are just flying past her. She’s been tested for everything under the sun, including sleep studies for seizures, ADHD, dyslexia, etc… We are doing all we can for her, at this point we’ll just keep praying for her and working with her. Things might be different next year…
My mom and I have been looking into whether or not to move the kids to the school closer to our house. When Matthew started kindergarten we put the kids at a school that’s about 5 miles away because the school schedule was traditional instead of "year-round". The school that is by our house is going to be on a tradition school schedule starting the 2009-2010 year, so it seems natural we would move them. My concern is that Emalee is familiar with the resource teachers at her current school and moving her to a new school with new programs and new teachers might make things harder for her. So I haven’t yet figured out an answer to that question.
I recently went back to school and work after having major back surgery in November 2008. Because I had been away from work for so long, my last employer released me from employment. That left me with having to find a new job. I was lucky because in January I was hired to work for a company that process pharmacy claims nationally for Workers Compensation fund. I work the graveyard shift, which works well for my personality (I’m a night owl), and I am able to be home when the kids are home. I don’t have to leave for work until after my kids are tucked away in bed. They don’t really see me as having a job, they just see me as sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon. LOL
The kids and I have a place of our own, but we haven’t yet moved over there. All of our stuff is over there, including my bed. But being a single mom I don’t feel comfortable being there alone, so I’m having an alarm system put in shortly. As soon as the system is in place I’ll feel much better about being home with just the kids and myself. We do have a dog, Gracie, but she is useless for protection. She is an eating/sleeping/pooping machine. She doesn’t even know what the word bark or stranger means. LOL
It’s about 5 AM now, getting myself to bed would probably be a good thing. The one thing that I don’t like about my shift is that when I get home I need to wind down, and that takes a couple hours. By the time I get to bed and then get up, it seems most of the business day is gone. That makes scheduling and appointments awkward. The job is new, I’m sure I’ll adjust somehow.
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