Little boy why do you cry? I know deep down inside why you feel you must lie.
The pain that you feel is real and true, but don’t turn away from God just because you are blue.
Open your eyes and feel the light on your face, and think not of that darker place. For your future ahead is wondrous and grand, just look forward and take His hand. He’ll take you away to a place of love where you’re soul will delight in the peace and purity of a Heavenly White Dove.
You walked down the road of life and upon your shoulders you carried far too much strife. But you were loved by all you knew, for you had a heart of gold that showed in all you would do. You’re dreams were to carry the pain of the sick, but in the end all you could hear was the clock and it’s tick. It reminded you of the time that was gone, and the future that scared you because it was wrong. You needed to run and needed hide from the pain, and now you are gone and from this world and it will never be the same.
We’ll honor your memory with dignity and grace, and hope that one day again we’ll feel your embrace. Until that day, keep your face toward the light as we hold on to your memory ever so tight. May Heavenly Father heal your sorrow, sooner or later the sun will rise and we’ll have tomorrow.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Update *BABBLING*
Fall 2009 is getting off to a good start.
I just have to say that I love my new job. The work is interesting, I feel challenged! I also really enjoy the people I work with. The other assistant is a gal named Nyssa. I was worried that I would be starting out on a bad foot with her because I was hired to replace a relative of hers. The girl I replaced was fairly young and didn’t have much direction or drive. Fortunately, Nyssa has been really kind to me, and she has helped me learn quite a bit about quotes and our accounts receivable system.
Matthew started FOURTH-GRADE this year. It’s so hard for me to believe that my little boy is growing up, and I’m starting to see the beginnings of the man that he is becoming and I’m really proud of him. People always joke about kids who misbehaved while growing up usually have children who behave just as badly as their parent. I’ll be the first to admit that I was a horrible child, and a really obnoxious teenager. But Matthew is a good kid, I seriously lucked out!
Emalee is in third-grade, just behind her brother. She is one of my best friends, just in a little body (but the same could be said about my mom lol). She just wants to be one of the girls, she loves her lip gloss and her pretty dresses, but don’t let her get near dirt while dressed up because she will play in it. She will probably search for bugs while she’s at it too (never a good idea while wearing church clothes).
Both of the kids started at the elementary school by our house. This is the first year that their elementary school has gone one a traditional 9 month schedule. Emalee was super excited to come to the new school, but Matthew had a harder time because he had close bonds with friends from his previous school. It broke my heart when Matthew came home that first day and told us that nobody wanted to play with him, and that one boy had singled him out to exclude him. Matthew isn’t the kind of kid who’d fight; he just went off and sulked. Things have gotten better for the little guy, but he does have an opportunity to join the new class they are adding to his grade, which I’m going to push to get him into. It’ll at least get him away from the little boy who was singling him out (at least for this year).
I headed back to school this semester also. I’m still not sure what major I should select because there are just so many different possibilities at this point. I have really enjoyed the various aspects of the field I’m currently employed in so I have been considering switching my major to do associates in arts in integrated studies with an emphasis in communications. This will keep me busy for 60 credit hours and give me some time to develop a long term career plan. Who knows, I may change my mind tomorrow and go back to computer science.
I’m not going back and checking my grammar, so feel free to lol at me later for the various mistakes I’m sure are here. I just wanted to post an update and copy it off into the various places I post.
One other thing I'm working on is going through and editing some of my poetry and short stories so I can post the less emotional ones (less angry, less violent, etc...) here to share.
I just have to say that I love my new job. The work is interesting, I feel challenged! I also really enjoy the people I work with. The other assistant is a gal named Nyssa. I was worried that I would be starting out on a bad foot with her because I was hired to replace a relative of hers. The girl I replaced was fairly young and didn’t have much direction or drive. Fortunately, Nyssa has been really kind to me, and she has helped me learn quite a bit about quotes and our accounts receivable system.
Matthew started FOURTH-GRADE this year. It’s so hard for me to believe that my little boy is growing up, and I’m starting to see the beginnings of the man that he is becoming and I’m really proud of him. People always joke about kids who misbehaved while growing up usually have children who behave just as badly as their parent. I’ll be the first to admit that I was a horrible child, and a really obnoxious teenager. But Matthew is a good kid, I seriously lucked out!
Emalee is in third-grade, just behind her brother. She is one of my best friends, just in a little body (but the same could be said about my mom lol). She just wants to be one of the girls, she loves her lip gloss and her pretty dresses, but don’t let her get near dirt while dressed up because she will play in it. She will probably search for bugs while she’s at it too (never a good idea while wearing church clothes).
Both of the kids started at the elementary school by our house. This is the first year that their elementary school has gone one a traditional 9 month schedule. Emalee was super excited to come to the new school, but Matthew had a harder time because he had close bonds with friends from his previous school. It broke my heart when Matthew came home that first day and told us that nobody wanted to play with him, and that one boy had singled him out to exclude him. Matthew isn’t the kind of kid who’d fight; he just went off and sulked. Things have gotten better for the little guy, but he does have an opportunity to join the new class they are adding to his grade, which I’m going to push to get him into. It’ll at least get him away from the little boy who was singling him out (at least for this year).
I headed back to school this semester also. I’m still not sure what major I should select because there are just so many different possibilities at this point. I have really enjoyed the various aspects of the field I’m currently employed in so I have been considering switching my major to do associates in arts in integrated studies with an emphasis in communications. This will keep me busy for 60 credit hours and give me some time to develop a long term career plan. Who knows, I may change my mind tomorrow and go back to computer science.
I’m not going back and checking my grammar, so feel free to lol at me later for the various mistakes I’m sure are here. I just wanted to post an update and copy it off into the various places I post.
One other thing I'm working on is going through and editing some of my poetry and short stories so I can post the less emotional ones (less angry, less violent, etc...) here to share.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Closed Door
Closed Door
I'm trying to make things work for my children and for my family. I’ve given so much of myself, stayed up until a couple of hours before my classes started doing homework, I’ve tutored other people in my classes. Yet it comes down to this, I miss a couple classes while trying to adjust to my new schedule, and I’m given no real option but to drop out. I’m not sure if I’m going to be billed directly or if they are going to just add this to my already extended student loans.
I got naught for my work. I feel absolutley destroyed. How am I ever going to be able to take care of my children and give them a better life if I can’t obtain a decent education? The thought of being stuck in entry level jobs for the rest of my life takes my breath away and deepens chasm of self doubt within my soul. I feel lost, unsure, and vulnerable.
It’s hard not to go on complete self descrution mode. I almost lost it, I just sat my desk instead and cried my heart out silently. I am still biting back the tears as I type my anguish into this blog.
I just need to get through tonight, and maybe tomorrow night, or maybe this week, or the month… who knows. I’m still left to wonder, will I ever dream again?
I'm trying to make things work for my children and for my family. I’ve given so much of myself, stayed up until a couple of hours before my classes started doing homework, I’ve tutored other people in my classes. Yet it comes down to this, I miss a couple classes while trying to adjust to my new schedule, and I’m given no real option but to drop out. I’m not sure if I’m going to be billed directly or if they are going to just add this to my already extended student loans.
I got naught for my work. I feel absolutley destroyed. How am I ever going to be able to take care of my children and give them a better life if I can’t obtain a decent education? The thought of being stuck in entry level jobs for the rest of my life takes my breath away and deepens chasm of self doubt within my soul. I feel lost, unsure, and vulnerable.
It’s hard not to go on complete self descrution mode. I almost lost it, I just sat my desk instead and cried my heart out silently. I am still biting back the tears as I type my anguish into this blog.
I just need to get through tonight, and maybe tomorrow night, or maybe this week, or the month… who knows. I’m still left to wonder, will I ever dream again?
An Intro To The Trio
I figured I would start this blog for friends and family so they can know what the three of us are up to. Here it goes…
Matthew currently is doing well in the third-grade. He is quite the little mathematician, his teacher jokes with me that he will be a future engineer. I’m thinking about signing him up for baseball again this year, but I really don’t want to deal with the end of the season boredom that eventually drags him down. When we had him playing two years ago he had major MELTDOWNS every time he had to go to practice. His team ended up in the finals and they added an extra night of practice and you would have though the world had ended for him. So, I have to decide if it’s worth it.
Emalee is still working her way through the second-grade. She loves to paint and make art, but she is quite as excited about reading. She has been going to resources classes all year, and she has made a little progress. Truth be told, I’m concerned that she is still having a very hard time reading going into the third-grade. I feel like she is going her slow and steady pace but the rest of her classmates are just flying past her. She’s been tested for everything under the sun, including sleep studies for seizures, ADHD, dyslexia, etc… We are doing all we can for her, at this point we’ll just keep praying for her and working with her. Things might be different next year…
My mom and I have been looking into whether or not to move the kids to the school closer to our house. When Matthew started kindergarten we put the kids at a school that’s about 5 miles away because the school schedule was traditional instead of "year-round". The school that is by our house is going to be on a tradition school schedule starting the 2009-2010 year, so it seems natural we would move them. My concern is that Emalee is familiar with the resource teachers at her current school and moving her to a new school with new programs and new teachers might make things harder for her. So I haven’t yet figured out an answer to that question.
I recently went back to school and work after having major back surgery in November 2008. Because I had been away from work for so long, my last employer released me from employment. That left me with having to find a new job. I was lucky because in January I was hired to work for a company that process pharmacy claims nationally for Workers Compensation fund. I work the graveyard shift, which works well for my personality (I’m a night owl), and I am able to be home when the kids are home. I don’t have to leave for work until after my kids are tucked away in bed. They don’t really see me as having a job, they just see me as sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon. LOL
The kids and I have a place of our own, but we haven’t yet moved over there. All of our stuff is over there, including my bed. But being a single mom I don’t feel comfortable being there alone, so I’m having an alarm system put in shortly. As soon as the system is in place I’ll feel much better about being home with just the kids and myself. We do have a dog, Gracie, but she is useless for protection. She is an eating/sleeping/pooping machine. She doesn’t even know what the word bark or stranger means. LOL
It’s about 5 AM now, getting myself to bed would probably be a good thing. The one thing that I don’t like about my shift is that when I get home I need to wind down, and that takes a couple hours. By the time I get to bed and then get up, it seems most of the business day is gone. That makes scheduling and appointments awkward. The job is new, I’m sure I’ll adjust somehow.
Matthew currently is doing well in the third-grade. He is quite the little mathematician, his teacher jokes with me that he will be a future engineer. I’m thinking about signing him up for baseball again this year, but I really don’t want to deal with the end of the season boredom that eventually drags him down. When we had him playing two years ago he had major MELTDOWNS every time he had to go to practice. His team ended up in the finals and they added an extra night of practice and you would have though the world had ended for him. So, I have to decide if it’s worth it.
Emalee is still working her way through the second-grade. She loves to paint and make art, but she is quite as excited about reading. She has been going to resources classes all year, and she has made a little progress. Truth be told, I’m concerned that she is still having a very hard time reading going into the third-grade. I feel like she is going her slow and steady pace but the rest of her classmates are just flying past her. She’s been tested for everything under the sun, including sleep studies for seizures, ADHD, dyslexia, etc… We are doing all we can for her, at this point we’ll just keep praying for her and working with her. Things might be different next year…
My mom and I have been looking into whether or not to move the kids to the school closer to our house. When Matthew started kindergarten we put the kids at a school that’s about 5 miles away because the school schedule was traditional instead of "year-round". The school that is by our house is going to be on a tradition school schedule starting the 2009-2010 year, so it seems natural we would move them. My concern is that Emalee is familiar with the resource teachers at her current school and moving her to a new school with new programs and new teachers might make things harder for her. So I haven’t yet figured out an answer to that question.
I recently went back to school and work after having major back surgery in November 2008. Because I had been away from work for so long, my last employer released me from employment. That left me with having to find a new job. I was lucky because in January I was hired to work for a company that process pharmacy claims nationally for Workers Compensation fund. I work the graveyard shift, which works well for my personality (I’m a night owl), and I am able to be home when the kids are home. I don’t have to leave for work until after my kids are tucked away in bed. They don’t really see me as having a job, they just see me as sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon. LOL
The kids and I have a place of our own, but we haven’t yet moved over there. All of our stuff is over there, including my bed. But being a single mom I don’t feel comfortable being there alone, so I’m having an alarm system put in shortly. As soon as the system is in place I’ll feel much better about being home with just the kids and myself. We do have a dog, Gracie, but she is useless for protection. She is an eating/sleeping/pooping machine. She doesn’t even know what the word bark or stranger means. LOL
It’s about 5 AM now, getting myself to bed would probably be a good thing. The one thing that I don’t like about my shift is that when I get home I need to wind down, and that takes a couple hours. By the time I get to bed and then get up, it seems most of the business day is gone. That makes scheduling and appointments awkward. The job is new, I’m sure I’ll adjust somehow.
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